November

“… has tied me to an old dead tree. Get word to April to rescue me.”

Well, it is April and this time around everything is all upside down. Cold boots and rain are less a reality than the chimney smoke lanes.

In years past, come November, I have been fond of quoting that song, and for many years it made a certain amount of sense. But as I said, this time around everything is all upside down. November will never be quite the same and as a side note, in the here and now, April is a very different animal as well.

So here it is April, my second in this place, and I find myself on edge bracing for the winds. But then, there is so much else that has me on edge, the new job not the least of which. More immediate, the Boy has been a bit under the weather and the business of feeling helpless, not being able to do anything about it is wearing on me a bit.

But I was talking about November. In a couple of weeks the Boy will be five months old. Which of course, spinning back through time, puts us smack in the middle of November. But it is not now November, but rather April. And April, as it happens, is now rife with family birthdays; the Wife, the oldest nephew, the brother, and then there is Gram who will be a whopping 99 this time around.

So why does all of this have me in a tailspin just now? No idea, maybe it is just the waiting for the wind. Maybe.

Part of it I suppose is that an underlying theme to all of this is that of family; which is in itself a confusing thing. One that has previously been a source of some consternation. And now of course it means something altogether different… and yet there is that part that always seems to be the same.

Oh well, the beat goes on I guess.

For now, the Boy examines a willow branch..Nature Boy.jpg

 

Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

 

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Pretty sure I have used that quote for a title/header before, but it seemed appropriate again. This modern world has made me not want to have an opinion. I suppose in many ways this is just a cop out. I do not want to pick a side, and that is not because I do not have strong… opinions, about one side or the other, it is just that the frustration and anger that come from trying to navigate those opinions has become exhausting.

And there are plenty of other exhausting influences on life just now. New job. 11 week old kid. Winter.

Politics and society in general just leave me drained. I had to walk away from Facebook, which sadly is my primary social outlet, because I was beginning to hate everyone and everything. Which of course is not a true reality, but rather one influenced by the opinions of others… many of whom I agree with. But, too much is just too much.

Trying to walk the dudeist path is not always easy, but it seems a bit easier the less outside influence I have to process. Of course that presents other problems… I am pretty anti-social as it is. Trim that much more and… well, let’s just say I have been down that particular path before. A few too many times.

Thankfully there is the Boy and the Wife and those two knucklehead dogs. And all of the rest of you. Whatever your opinions, I appreciate you for who you are. I just can’t read/listen/process any of them anymore. Lately I just want to hang out with the Boy and introduce him to my music collection, one album at a time. I like to post photos of those efforts on Facebook via Instagram. That way I do not have to actually go to Facebook and end up getting sucked in. I like to think that those little snapshots may give at least some of you a brief respite from everything. It is a mad mad world out there right now.

Anyway. Carry on. Maybe I will see you around again one day.

Sun breaking through grey skies, gradually and unexpected.

It is a morning made of fog and low clouds. Everything is grey and muted. It is a Sunday, for what that is worth. One thing that means in our neighborhood is that it is quiet. Most days, folk in these parts are up to something and making all manner of noise; whether the odd, undiscernible mechanical noises from the shop across the street, to the various construction related sounds from the new house building effort down the street, to the more than a little obnoxious youth riding endless loops on a seemingly unmuffled motorbike. Today though, like most Sunday’s, there is almost no sound. That fact combined with the gloom, and the day seems a bit desolate. But that is alright, some days are like that.

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It is just over a year now since we moved here, the Wife and I and Little. On a day to day basis, the place, and the experience is relatively slow and uneventful. The Wife has settled into her new position at work. I, through a fair bit of interagency wrangling, was allowed to work in a temporary position, although as of next week that will change as I have been offered a full time position, which I have somewhat reluctantly accepted.

Typical to our time together however, we have actually experienced many changes. We bought a house, which we intended to do, and have made a number of improvements; a new floor in one room, a new garden fence, an expansion of the backyard fence, as well as the population, as it were, of a new woodlot. We got a puppy, with the idea that Little could use a friend. She is bigger than maybe we expected, but not as big as people said she would be… based on her giant feet, and she has turned out to be very sweet and full of personality. We traveled to Tucson for a long weekend, visited Flagstaff twice, explored Petrified Forest NP numerous times (I even ran a marathon there at one point), and wandered over and through many parts of the Forest that brought us here in the first place.

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One weekend, we drove to Taos to see a concert, exploring bits of New Mexico along the way. One morning in Albuquerque I was able to do a long run along a great forested trail that I found along the Rio Grande. Earlier in the summer, we flew back east for a family wedding and then up north to visit more family. We kept a small, but productive garden, and in the late summer were able to take advantage of the bounty of local apples, which were somewhat of a surprise to me. We found and picked wild hops, though I have yet to revive my brewing habit. I have spent a lot of free time expanding my baking ability, much to my delight.

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All of that however pales in comparison to the single most monumental change that we have experienced. It is roughly three and a half years now that we have been married and for the better part of that we have been hoping to start a family. For whatever reason that has not seemed to be in the cards. As such, we began to discuss the idea of adoption. Weighing our options, as we saw them, between fertility treatments and seeking to undertake the adoption of a newborn, we opted for the latter, and so began what was to become a rather long and involved process.

Three days ago the Boy turned two months old.

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It is a strange and wonderful and curious existence, this meandering path of a life I have lived. Never truly aiming for anywhere nor anything in particular has often, understandably, left me feeling lost and/or adrift. Yet, many times, it has also left me amazed at where I find myself. When one focuses rather on the journey, or the struggle as can also happen, the destination, or result, can be quite a surprise.